Who to Contact or Whom to Contact? The Definitive Guide for Modern Writers

When I first started editing formal documents, I often faced the grammar challenge of deciding between who and whom. In professional contexts, these pronouns can be tricky. A casual email might let you slide, but in academic or executive settings, getting it right shows respect. The difference depends on whether the word acts as a subject or object in a sentence.

My experience as a business editor taught me to pay attention to clause structure and context. Even small mistakes can affect how your voice reaches the reader. It’s not just about rules; it’s about building confidence and a polished tone in communication.

Over time, I learned that knowing the origins of these words and their usage makes it easier to determine, identify, and replace what doesn’t fit. In modern English, flexibility is common in spoken communication, but a syntactic construction still needs the appropriate referent.

A quick mental rule—who for the subject, whom for the object—can save time. I often guide writers by explaining the background and giving guidance that’s both contextually and semantically accurate. This proper use not only helps you transform your work from average to polished but also makes your writing more effective in formal emails or academic papers.

Why This Question Matters

Choosing between “who to contact” and “whom to contact” isn’t just about being a grammar perfectionist. The word you use can subtly change the tone of your message. In some situations, it can even affect how professional you appear.

• Academic settings: Professors, researchers, and formal reports often stick to traditional grammar rules.
• Professional communication: Emails, cover letters, and official reports still value correctness.
• Casual conversation: People lean toward what sounds natural — and that’s often “who.”

The Core Difference Between “Who” and “Whom”

At its core, the difference comes down to grammar roles:

• Who is a subject pronoun — it performs the action.
• Whom is an object pronoun — it receives the action.

Think of it like this:

• If you can replace the word with he/she, use who.
• If you can replace it with him/her, use whom.

Example Table:

Sentence	Test	Correct Word
Who/Whom is coming to the meeting?	He is coming.	Who
You should speak to who/whom about the issue?	Speak to him.	Whom
Who/Whom made the announcement?	She made the announcement.	Who
The person to who/whom I spoke was helpful.	I spoke to her.	Whom

Why the Confusion Happens

The confusion between who and whom is partly due to how English has evolved. For centuries, English had a more rigid case system (like in Latin or German). But over time, spoken English started to simplify.

Three main reasons for the confusion:

1. Similar sound – Unlike words like “I” and “me,” “who” and “whom” sound alike except for the “m” at the end.
2. Speech vs. writing – People rarely say “whom” in everyday conversation, so it feels unnatural in writing.
3. Language change – Modern grammar rules are more flexible, especially in informal contexts.

The Traditional Grammar Rules

Traditional grammar is simple in theory:

• Who acts as the subject of a clause.
  Example: Who wrote the report?
• Whom acts as the object of a verb or preposition.
  Example: To whom should I address the letter?

Diagram Example:

Who → subject → performs the action
Whom → object → receives the action

This distinction is why formal writing still prefers “whom” in object positions, especially after prepositions.

Modern Usage Trends

Here’s the truth: “Whom” is disappearing from casual speech.

• Newspapers and online media often choose “who” even in cases where “whom” is technically correct.
• In marketing and social media, clarity is more important than strict grammar.
• Linguists note that “whom” survives mostly in fixed phrases or highly formal writing.

Real-life example:

• Formal: To whom it may concern
• Casual: Who should I talk to?

“Whom” in Professional and Academic Contexts

If you’re writing a job application, research paper, or legal document, “whom” still matters. It signals attention to detail and respect for formal standards.

Case Study:

• Email to a professor: “Could you tell me whom I should contact about lab access?”
• Office memo: “Please inform whom it may concern about the schedule change.”

In these contexts, using “whom” is less about sounding old-fashioned and more about showing precision.

Digital Communication and Grammar Choices

Text messages, Slack chats, and casual emails tend to skip “whom.” Online, speed and clarity beat tradition.

• Social media post: “Guess who I met today!”
• Quick work message: “Do you know who to contact about this?”

Even in professional settings, if the tone is informal, “who” is usually fine.

Matching Pronouns with Verbs and Prepositions

Here’s a quick trick: look at what comes before or after the pronoun.

• If there’s a preposition before it, chances are you need “whom.”
  Example: For whom is this gift intended?
• If it’s the subject doing the action, you need “who.”
  Example: Who will be leading the meeting?

Is “Whom” Still Necessary?

Some grammar experts say “whom” is on its way out. But major style guides disagree:

• AP Stylebook: Use “whom” when it’s the object of a verb or preposition.
• Chicago Manual of Style: Same rule, but allows “who” in informal contexts.
• MLA Handbook: Encourages “whom” in academic writing.

So, while it’s not always required, knowing when to use it gives you flexibility.

Practical Tips to Choose Correctly Every Time

Here’s your quick decision method:

1. Try replacing the word with he/she or him/her.
2. If he/she fits → use who.
   If him/her fits → use whom.

Flowchart Example:

• Ask yourself: Is it the subject? → Who
• Is it the object? → Whom

Common Phrases Table:

Phrase	Correct Usage
Who to contact	Informal, widely accepted
Whom to contact	Formal, grammatically precise
To whom it may concern	Always correct in formal letters
Who should I call?	Acceptable in both formal and informal
Whom should I call?	Preferred in very formal writing

Final Recommendations

• In formal writing, especially in professional or academic settings, choose whom when it’s correct.
• In everyday conversation or informal writing, who is fine.
• Always aim for clarity. If “whom” sounds unnatural and stiff, you can choose “who” — most readers won’t notice.

Key takeaway:

If you want to sound polished in formal situations, master the rule. If you’re texting a friend or posting online, “who” will do just fine.

Choosing between who and whom might seem like a small grammar decision, but it can make a big difference in how your communication is received. Whether you’re drafting a casual email, writing for academic purposes, or addressing professional contexts, knowing the rules and understanding the sentence structure ensures clarity and credibility.

With practice, using the appropriate form becomes second nature, turning your writing from average into something truly polished.

Q1: How do I know when to use “who” or “whom”?

Use who when it’s the subject of the sentence and whom when it’s the object.

Q2: Is “whom” still necessary in modern English?

Yes, especially in formal contexts like academic writing or professional emails, though it’s less common in spoken communication.

Q3: What’s a quick tip to remember the difference?

If you can replace the word with “he” or “she,” use who; if “him” or “her” fits better, use whom.

Q4: Does incorrect use of “whom” matter in casual writing?

Not much in casual contexts, but in formal settings, correct usage shows attention to detail and respect for the reader.